Weirdest experience yesterday.
The weather has been really good the last couple days, so yesterday I rode a bike down to the Blunker See. Which I suppose is the local lake...?
I park my bike, take of my clothes, walk past sunbaking elderly lady, past sunbaking man (was also there the day before) and dive into the water. Splash and frolick around like you do, though I didnt stray too far from the bank cause I'm a scaredy cat and the water is deeep!
After I got out, my intentions were to get dry then head back home. But the guy from the day before started talking to me and was then like 'grab your stuff and talk to me'. So I thought hell why not, I mean I'm never going to find The One if I dont even talk to boys right?
He was wearing glasses, was tall, had a fit tanned figure, and an extreemely large penis. He was covered and all, but I mean how much do speedo's REALLY cover your privates? So far he seemed to fit The One description my best friends aunty had predicted in my card reading.
So I sat down next to him, on the grass, he wanted me to lie down on his rug (...Um NO!) and he offered me a piece of fruit, I dont know what its called but its a peach and it looks all squashed and its really sweet and delicious, but again I was like no thanks.
And he started talking, like, a lot. I didnt really understand all of what he said because he spoke so fast. But I learned he was born in Russia, he doesn't work, which is why he was at the lake at 2pm on a tuesday afternoon, if he did work he would be doing something to do with computers. He lives on his own. He wants to get to know me, because its interesting to him that I'm from Australia, etc etc.
He asked me questions but I didnt really talk at all, and when there was a pause he would like get out his sunscreen and be like 'do you need some? It is not good for your skin (touched my arm) out in the sun' and I'm thinking hey you weirdo dont touch me and said 'no thanks I dont need any sunscreen, I'm not staying long'. Then he started jabbering again, and asked me to talk about myself, and I just shrugged and he laughed and then touched me on the knee.
Like, that was it for me. I had sat there long enough not to seem rude to leave. So I said 'Oh gee, look at the time (I didnt even have a watch on) I really have to go, I told my aunty I would help her make a Richtkrone (traditional thing you make for people who have newly built roofs, meant for good luck, which is also true, I did say I would help her make one)'. Then he asked me if I had an email he could contact me on, but thankfully he didnt have a writing implement (hoorah!) I was like 'oh what a shame, goodbye!' he quickly picked me a flower, gave it to me, then watched me get dressed and leave.
What a pervert! And to think, at the start of the incedent I thought he might have been The One! I mean it all seemed to fit the description, tall, dark, intellegent, forign, glasses, near water. I should have known as soon as he opened his mouth though, I mean that was scary. Not so much the words that came out of it, but the just the size of it, and his teeth, my gosh!! Like I dont think The One should be having such a big Godzilla mouth like his.
I would always be living in total complete fear. I could'nt ever argue with the Pervert-Godzilla-Mouth man, my head would be gone in a second, or less!
Why do I always attract the crazies? And how many more am I suppose to deal with before I actually do meet Mr One?
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Sunday, 26 June 2011
My Body Is My Body, I'm Not Just Anybody.
I'm a thief.
There you have it.
An outlaw on the run, with no way of undoing what it is I have done.
I like don't even feel bad, like totally whatever even.
I mean, its not like I'll be going to prison or anything, probably because there is 95% possibility that nobody but me (and you) knows about it at all.
What was my crime?
I stole a magazine.
Your shocked aren't you, I can tell.
Before you start re-evaluating how well you know me and thinking shit like, its SO unlike me and Germany has changed me blah blah. I admit. I didn't even realise I was such a bad ass until way after the dreadful deed was done.
You see, I wanted to purchase two magazines, I put one on top of the other on the counter and the dude looked at the price of the top magazine, looked at me then DEMANDED I pay €1 EXACTLY. So I did what the nice (stupid) man wanted.
Am I to blame if he didn't realise there was another €6 magazine underneath? I think not.
So essentially I paid one euro for two magazines, though not really, really I stole a magazine.
Oh yeah, now everybody wants to be my friend because I am such a rebel. And everybody likes a rebel.
However before I could really soak up all the gloriousness of my most angst-riddled-teenager moment, I got a taste of my own medicine.
I'm a pretty predictable person. And on this particular day I was feeling a bit sad and bored. So for something to do I drove to the coast, only when I got there it didnt make me feel better at all. It was meant to be a distraction from home, but it was exactly like home, okay, nothing will ever come close to matching those beaches, but it was a smallish coastal town with plentiful old people, young family's and loved up couples with nothing better to do than to stroll around on the prominade and eat and drink. BOOOOOOO! I ran away from that to see/experience something different!
So I walked around in a huff until my legs took me into that newsagent where I acquired my magazines. Which is what I always do when feeling lost and out of control, I usually then also grab a chocolate milkshake, but that day I decided I'd enjoy a nice beer with my stolen goods.
I drank my beer, looked at the pretty pictures and enjoyed the scenery, when suddenly another bloody loved up couple comes up to my table and asked if they could sit there.
For bloody hell, I was just getting relaxed and chill with some 'me' time and they had to come along and ruin it. I was so annoyed, and kinda a little tipsy, that I got up (after paying of coarse) and went in search of cigarettes. All the shops were closed by then and I'd just given up on the thought, when I walked right into a cigarette vending machine. I thought €5 a pop, if I smoke one and give the rest away or whatever then it wont be such a big loss. So I put a fiver in, pushed appropriate buttons AND NOTHING CAME OUT!
Karma you BITCH.
Yeah okay, I suppose I deserved that, and thanks 'n all for saving me from doing something stupid, but seriously, I think next time I will decide if I want to partake in a little destructive behaviour. "It's my body, I do what I want!"
There you have it.
An outlaw on the run, with no way of undoing what it is I have done.
I like don't even feel bad, like totally whatever even.
I mean, its not like I'll be going to prison or anything, probably because there is 95% possibility that nobody but me (and you) knows about it at all.
What was my crime?
I stole a magazine.
Your shocked aren't you, I can tell.
Before you start re-evaluating how well you know me and thinking shit like, its SO unlike me and Germany has changed me blah blah. I admit. I didn't even realise I was such a bad ass until way after the dreadful deed was done.
You see, I wanted to purchase two magazines, I put one on top of the other on the counter and the dude looked at the price of the top magazine, looked at me then DEMANDED I pay €1 EXACTLY. So I did what the nice (stupid) man wanted.
Am I to blame if he didn't realise there was another €6 magazine underneath? I think not.
So essentially I paid one euro for two magazines, though not really, really I stole a magazine.
Oh yeah, now everybody wants to be my friend because I am such a rebel. And everybody likes a rebel.
However before I could really soak up all the gloriousness of my most angst-riddled-teenager moment, I got a taste of my own medicine.
I'm a pretty predictable person. And on this particular day I was feeling a bit sad and bored. So for something to do I drove to the coast, only when I got there it didnt make me feel better at all. It was meant to be a distraction from home, but it was exactly like home, okay, nothing will ever come close to matching those beaches, but it was a smallish coastal town with plentiful old people, young family's and loved up couples with nothing better to do than to stroll around on the prominade and eat and drink. BOOOOOOO! I ran away from that to see/experience something different!
So I walked around in a huff until my legs took me into that newsagent where I acquired my magazines. Which is what I always do when feeling lost and out of control, I usually then also grab a chocolate milkshake, but that day I decided I'd enjoy a nice beer with my stolen goods.
I drank my beer, looked at the pretty pictures and enjoyed the scenery, when suddenly another bloody loved up couple comes up to my table and asked if they could sit there.
For bloody hell, I was just getting relaxed and chill with some 'me' time and they had to come along and ruin it. I was so annoyed, and kinda a little tipsy, that I got up (after paying of coarse) and went in search of cigarettes. All the shops were closed by then and I'd just given up on the thought, when I walked right into a cigarette vending machine. I thought €5 a pop, if I smoke one and give the rest away or whatever then it wont be such a big loss. So I put a fiver in, pushed appropriate buttons AND NOTHING CAME OUT!
Karma you BITCH.
Yeah okay, I suppose I deserved that, and thanks 'n all for saving me from doing something stupid, but seriously, I think next time I will decide if I want to partake in a little destructive behaviour. "It's my body, I do what I want!"
Thursday, 23 June 2011
So I Cant Grow A Moustache. At Least I Have Options.
For a while there I was thinking I wouldnt find any work, I'd spend all my money irresponsibly (food and alcohol, you know) and be back home before I could say "Cheerio Miss Sophie". But now, now I have three options.
Option 1: Telephone operator at an open air theatre. Was my first choice and first interview, which I thought was the worst I'd ever been involved with. It was horrific, and whats worse is that my cousin was in the room as well witnessing all the horridiousness. EMBARRASSING! Anyway I have a few days to decide if I want to go with them even.
Option 2: Packing freezers at the local supermarket 'Famila'. This isn't so bad and deffers not the worst job I've had, but its so god damned cold. It's like walking through an ice cube. What? You have never done that before??
Thats because its not supposed to be done, on the account of the freeziness.
The only thing that tops my hatred of this cold, is the uniform. All I can say is that I'm oh so very happy that my grandmother is not here to take photographic evidence of the disgustoid that somebody has the nerve to call a uniform. Although I would consider myself lucky. I dont work in the stinky (oh what a stank) cheese section and have to wear a gross hat aswell.
There also happens to be a cute manager dude that works here. Mission: To find out relationship status, age and first name.
Here everyone is called Frau/Herr (insert last name here). Its weird being called Frau Knees. Couldnt they call me Frau Von Trapp? That would be cool.
Option 3: To do four weeks work experience as a nurse, which, if all goes well and I like it, can lead into a traineeship/apprentice (not sure how they differ and which is the German equivalent). But if I'm thinking long term plans for my future, I'd be pretty stupid not to give this a really 100 percentage go, right?
Hopefully if it can all work out I can keep the shitty supermarket €400 a month job which is a heck of a lot of NO money and do the work experience, which isnt paid even slightly at all!
In other news, I still have no friends. Boo! But hopefully my spiffy uniform and excellent freezer packing skillz should win some people over and maketh a group worthy of euro style party which I am yet to enjoy.
My fingernails have 'smokers syndrome'. BEFORE you have heart palpitations mum...I have NOT become a full blown cigarrette permanently attached to one hand at ALL times kinda girl. I meerely made the stupid mistake of buying el'cheapo bright yellow nail polish, and 80 cent nail polish remover. The result? That shit aint come off. I mean I got the majority, after half an hour of intense scrubbing. But now? Now my nails have a gross yellow tint. And I thought "Oh well, who will even notice?" But I notice peoples eyes wondering over to my nails, and I KNOW they are thinking "That, is, rank, what the hell is the matter with this girl?" So I painted them a different more normal colour and threw little yellow right out the window, where it deserves to be crushed, melted into nothingness and DIE!!! Much like the songs of Ke$ha. Or just Ke$ha herself. Who would even miss her? Seriously.
Over the weekend I went to my uncles hunting groups 'Green Party' where they invite all the land holders round to drink beer and grill wild meats that they have hunted. This was delicious. I also ended up coming second place in a dice rolling game and won a certificate for the meat off the back of a deer. Apparently this is a good piece of meat. So I told them to shoot a big one for me.
I appear to be going through some kind of lucky phase, where things just seem to be happening for me. I hope this doesnt end. At least not just yet. I'm having such a good time.
Option 1: Telephone operator at an open air theatre. Was my first choice and first interview, which I thought was the worst I'd ever been involved with. It was horrific, and whats worse is that my cousin was in the room as well witnessing all the horridiousness. EMBARRASSING! Anyway I have a few days to decide if I want to go with them even.
Option 2: Packing freezers at the local supermarket 'Famila'. This isn't so bad and deffers not the worst job I've had, but its so god damned cold. It's like walking through an ice cube. What? You have never done that before??
Thats because its not supposed to be done, on the account of the freeziness.
The only thing that tops my hatred of this cold, is the uniform. All I can say is that I'm oh so very happy that my grandmother is not here to take photographic evidence of the disgustoid that somebody has the nerve to call a uniform. Although I would consider myself lucky. I dont work in the stinky (oh what a stank) cheese section and have to wear a gross hat aswell.
There also happens to be a cute manager dude that works here. Mission: To find out relationship status, age and first name.
Here everyone is called Frau/Herr (insert last name here). Its weird being called Frau Knees. Couldnt they call me Frau Von Trapp? That would be cool.
Option 3: To do four weeks work experience as a nurse, which, if all goes well and I like it, can lead into a traineeship/apprentice (not sure how they differ and which is the German equivalent). But if I'm thinking long term plans for my future, I'd be pretty stupid not to give this a really 100 percentage go, right?
Hopefully if it can all work out I can keep the shitty supermarket €400 a month job which is a heck of a lot of NO money and do the work experience, which isnt paid even slightly at all!
In other news, I still have no friends. Boo! But hopefully my spiffy uniform and excellent freezer packing skillz should win some people over and maketh a group worthy of euro style party which I am yet to enjoy.
My fingernails have 'smokers syndrome'. BEFORE you have heart palpitations mum...I have NOT become a full blown cigarrette permanently attached to one hand at ALL times kinda girl. I meerely made the stupid mistake of buying el'cheapo bright yellow nail polish, and 80 cent nail polish remover. The result? That shit aint come off. I mean I got the majority, after half an hour of intense scrubbing. But now? Now my nails have a gross yellow tint. And I thought "Oh well, who will even notice?" But I notice peoples eyes wondering over to my nails, and I KNOW they are thinking "That, is, rank, what the hell is the matter with this girl?" So I painted them a different more normal colour and threw little yellow right out the window, where it deserves to be crushed, melted into nothingness and DIE!!! Much like the songs of Ke$ha. Or just Ke$ha herself. Who would even miss her? Seriously.
Over the weekend I went to my uncles hunting groups 'Green Party' where they invite all the land holders round to drink beer and grill wild meats that they have hunted. This was delicious. I also ended up coming second place in a dice rolling game and won a certificate for the meat off the back of a deer. Apparently this is a good piece of meat. So I told them to shoot a big one for me.
I appear to be going through some kind of lucky phase, where things just seem to be happening for me. I hope this doesnt end. At least not just yet. I'm having such a good time.
Monday, 13 June 2011
For Mum.
Mum rang me yesterday, and practically the first thing she said was "Write more blogs!".
Yeah I know I'm pretty lazy with the whole up date thing, whatever.
I was like "pft, yeah whatever mum, nobody even reads them, blah". Then, like a true stick-to-your-daughter mother would, she says all proud like "Did you know you have had like a hundred and something something pageviews??" and I was all like "that totally doesn't even count and I only have ONE follower". Very quickly mums like "No Theresa, you have TWO!!".
WHAAAT?
Now I admit, I was pretty excited, TWO whole followers!!!? That means TWO people like to admit that they read what I write!!!
So I asked mum, "Oh my god, who is it?"
"I dunno, some guy".
... Some guy, some guy. Right. Okay. Note to self 'check out this some guy laters on'.
So we finish our telephone call and I spend the day on the German coast.
When I get home I log on with anticipation, oh yes I am very much having a loser moment...Will completely die if I don't know who Mystery Man is.
Who is this guy??
........Bruce Willis.
MUH-UM!!! How can you NOT even recognise a picture of Bruce Willis??? Have your eyes fallen out of your head?? Sheesh!
So I clicked on Bruce Willis' pic to find out more, could The Bruce Willis really like my blog??
Yeaaaaaah. No.
It only took me about like 40 seconds to realise I was being most absolutely ridiculous and no, of coarse it is not the actual Bruce Willis but just a picture of him, and I'm pretty sure it is one of my close friends who is responsible for ALL these identity lies, they are all lies.. Though I'm sure she will just come up with some lame-o excuse like 'blame it on the Internet'. Its always the Internets fault isn't it.
Maybe I should pretend to be Michael Jackson...you know like speaking from the other side or something, wooooooooooh, spookay.
Lets see how you like it when you find out its just a white girl pretending to be a black man pretending to be a white girl.
Teheheh yeooow, ah, Billy Jean is not my lover....
Yeah I know I'm pretty lazy with the whole up date thing, whatever.
I was like "pft, yeah whatever mum, nobody even reads them, blah". Then, like a true stick-to-your-daughter mother would, she says all proud like "Did you know you have had like a hundred and something something pageviews??" and I was all like "that totally doesn't even count and I only have ONE follower". Very quickly mums like "No Theresa, you have TWO!!".
WHAAAT?
Now I admit, I was pretty excited, TWO whole followers!!!? That means TWO people like to admit that they read what I write!!!
So I asked mum, "Oh my god, who is it?"
"I dunno, some guy".
... Some guy, some guy. Right. Okay. Note to self 'check out this some guy laters on'.
So we finish our telephone call and I spend the day on the German coast.
When I get home I log on with anticipation, oh yes I am very much having a loser moment...Will completely die if I don't know who Mystery Man is.
Who is this guy??
........Bruce Willis.
MUH-UM!!! How can you NOT even recognise a picture of Bruce Willis??? Have your eyes fallen out of your head?? Sheesh!
So I clicked on Bruce Willis' pic to find out more, could The Bruce Willis really like my blog??
Yeaaaaaah. No.
It only took me about like 40 seconds to realise I was being most absolutely ridiculous and no, of coarse it is not the actual Bruce Willis but just a picture of him, and I'm pretty sure it is one of my close friends who is responsible for ALL these identity lies, they are all lies.. Though I'm sure she will just come up with some lame-o excuse like 'blame it on the Internet'. Its always the Internets fault isn't it.
Maybe I should pretend to be Michael Jackson...you know like speaking from the other side or something, wooooooooooh, spookay.
Lets see how you like it when you find out its just a white girl pretending to be a black man pretending to be a white girl.
Teheheh yeooow, ah, Billy Jean is not my lover....
Sunday, 5 June 2011
Late Night FryPodding.
A few things to catch up on;
1. I totally rule at the shooting, I partook in a shooting competition and came in 4th place, not too shabby for a Theresa.
2. I now own an intensly girly bright metalic lime green Honda logo, yeah, too darn cool. I think I will call it Hoppy.
3. If you don't know how to express yourself in another language, don't attempt a visit to the hairdresser. "I want a fringe, how's the best way to achieve that?
She had either no clue or was just PURE EVIL! She decided to cut a few strands under my existing fringe really really short... So that if I wanted a fringe that day, I could pin the rest back....am I retarded or something?
Excuse me!!! Randomly cutting bits of hair on someones forhead does not a fringe make! No kudos for you.
4. Just because your not in Australia anymore does not mean you can abandon sun damage precautions. My poor sunburnt scalp, please oh please just don't peel. I'm already enough of an alien.
5. Last night we went to the Poyenburg Open Air Irish Folk Music Festival... I don't like Irish folk music, but I like free things and being taken out, this outing was especially good....for my stomach. There was a food stall for heaps of different countries. And I swear I have never eaten so much good food at a festival before. And Kilkenny, yep I like that too.
6. iPods rule! I'm totally addicted and am even posting this on my free iPod, I like to call it FryPod cause it fries my brains cause it's tiny and uses all my looking power. Unfortunate.
1. I totally rule at the shooting, I partook in a shooting competition and came in 4th place, not too shabby for a Theresa.
2. I now own an intensly girly bright metalic lime green Honda logo, yeah, too darn cool. I think I will call it Hoppy.
3. If you don't know how to express yourself in another language, don't attempt a visit to the hairdresser. "I want a fringe, how's the best way to achieve that?
She had either no clue or was just PURE EVIL! She decided to cut a few strands under my existing fringe really really short... So that if I wanted a fringe that day, I could pin the rest back....am I retarded or something?
Excuse me!!! Randomly cutting bits of hair on someones forhead does not a fringe make! No kudos for you.
4. Just because your not in Australia anymore does not mean you can abandon sun damage precautions. My poor sunburnt scalp, please oh please just don't peel. I'm already enough of an alien.
5. Last night we went to the Poyenburg Open Air Irish Folk Music Festival... I don't like Irish folk music, but I like free things and being taken out, this outing was especially good....for my stomach. There was a food stall for heaps of different countries. And I swear I have never eaten so much good food at a festival before. And Kilkenny, yep I like that too.
6. iPods rule! I'm totally addicted and am even posting this on my free iPod, I like to call it FryPod cause it fries my brains cause it's tiny and uses all my looking power. Unfortunate.
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